Healing the Exiled Parts of Ourselves | With Dr. Dick Schwartz and Soren Gordhamer

Healing the Exiled Parts of Ourselves | With Dr. Dick Schwartz and Soren Gordhamer

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Foreign [Applause] If we were working for you let's say The serious guy who you mentioned So and I'd say focus on him find him in Your body And how do you feel toward him You want to do that sure I feel kind of Frustrated for him because I feel like He took over and I lost a lot of teenage Errors when I could be out having fun Instead I didn't have much fun yeah so I I for now but I didn't then right yeah I Understand why you'd be kind of pissed At him yeah but let's see if the parts Of you that do have that attitude toward Them could give us a little space in There So you can just get to know them rather Than be angry at them so you could get Curious about them okay yeah I can I can Look at him with curiosity and how do You feel toward him now Uh I feel like he's Um He's tense And he feels kind of anxious yeah he Doesn't feel like he's very in a good Place okay so from this curious Place Ask him what he wants you to know just That open question Uh so I'm asking him in my mind's eye What is what does he want to know what Does he want you to know what does he

Want me to know about his tenseness He's got a booklet out and he's making Schedules and he's making plans and he's Like he's like trying to make sure Everything gets done and on time and He's very kind of persistent with that Um and I I'm trying interpreting that What he wants me to know is that he's Very busy and he's very making sure that He protects me well yeah yeah I know This guy yeah I worked with him yesterday [Laughter] Same guy So ask him what he's afraid would happen If he didn't work so hard this way And just wait for the answer don't think Of the answer Uh if he didn't work so hard what would Happen yeah what's he afraid would Happen uh would fall apart the Organization and the structure of our Lives would fall apart and um chaos Would Rain That's exactly what my guy says all Right Okay so how do you feel toward him now As you hear all that I feel sorry for Him yeah I feel that's a lot of Responsibility to make sure my life Doesn't get chaotic yeah so let him know You feel sorry for him yeah okay see if You can actually show him that you care About him and you feel sorry for him

Just yeah I can kind of Pat him on the Back and be like man that's a tough job And how's he reacting as you do that He seems to take it he's like yeah it is He's like yeah you're right it's been a Tough job I've worked my butt off And ask him If he protects parts that might be stuck In times that we're very chaotic Or where things were falling apart just Ask him that question he says I stuck I Protect vulnerable parts right I protect Things from getting hurt again from Getting hurt again yeah yeah if that Makes sense to you yeah Yeah I felt really embarrassed and ashamed as A kid after my parents divorced and I Had a lot of I always used to be like a Popular athlete I was out doing stuff And then once the the parents divorced And I felt a lot of Shame and then I Think I kind of hid part of myself yeah Um so that was that feeling of kind of Being a kid and like not quite sure what To do so how old is that boy In my reminder about 13 14. yeah yeah How do you feel toward him as you see Him there I feel tenderness towards him yeah I Feel like yeah I get that yeah I mean he Learned a lot from the experience I Don't know if I'd be here today Without that experience because I feel

Like that introduced me to meditation Introduced me to a lot of different Experiences so there was like that was a Really beneficial time I think if I Hadn't had that experience I might have Just gone and followed my friends to Business school and Texas oil company or Something so there was something that That experience also opened up yeah yeah So see if you can let them know you feel Tendered toward him and see how he Reacts to that He likes that okay Yeah so I don't know how much further You want to go with this as far as we Need to really okay [Laughter] So he's reacting well to being with him This tender way okay And ask him If he feels like you get how bad that Time was Or if there's more he needs you to feel Or see your sense about it Yeah he feels like I get it he feels I Think he feels like you know I didn't Know what to do I don't you know I it's hard for me when People Um I work my butt off to be respected I Work my butt off to be successful and It's hard for me to be seen as not Successful or is not accomplished So there's a lot of Shame with that yeah

Yeah I don't want that to happen I want To be like seen in a in a way that's Like Incompetent and on it and so he wants me To understand that it's That there's pain around that yeah I Think yeah So do you feel like you get it ask him If he does feel like you get the pain Around it Yeah he thinks all right you know what It's like yeah you get the pain I think He as best I can get he he feels like I Understand the pain around that okay Yeah Okay then I'd like you to go into that Time period and be with him in the way He needed somebody Tell me when you're in there with them Back in that other time the divorce time Yeah okay Yeah I can be with him How are you he's really small and I'm Really big it's interesting like the our Bodies are very different body types but I'm just kind of like hanging out with Them And how's he like having you there Petey Appreciates it okay Yeah And then he feels accepted ask him if There's anything he wants you to do with Him or for him back there Uh he wants me to hold him so I can do

That He's very small It's like a like uh like I can actually Hold him in my my arms Yeah so that's Does he need you to talk to anybody back There or do anything else or does he Just want to leave He just wants to be held it looks like Yeah he just wants to not be alone and Beheld and Feel like safe you know that like yeah He's he's seeking safety it feels like Does he feel safe as you're holding him Okay All right so see if he's ready now to Leave that time and place and come with You to a safe comfortable place He's not sure yeah ask him what's his Reluctance It's he's just like it's a it's a really Dangerous world out there And I'm I'm very vulnerable and I don't Know if I want to go out there yeah so There's truth in that right yeah okay so We can take them to a fantasy place it Doesn't have to be this okay It can be anywhere he'd like Okay he's open to that Yeah he's open to going he's not open to Going He's open to going somewhere yeah he Wants it to be safe yeah yeah So you can show him Alternatives or he

Can He likes the beach beach yeah Beach is Very popular with it It's a nice place to be he likes to Beach you can kind of see out it's safe You can like look and see if there's Ships that are going to attack or Something like there's that feeling of Being able to see or look around that he Likes okay good So how's he doing and you're there with Him on the beach How's he doing now he's good he's Enjoying he's still a little suspicious And checking out the Saints waiting for Something to attack but in general he's Pretty good okay And tell him he never has to go back There and you're going to be taking care Of him now So that is safe Okay And see if he's ready to unload the Feelings and beliefs he got back there Yeah and where does he carry all that in His body or on his body he shows me his Arms and he's going like this all right So is he ready to unload that Is that what he says he is and he's also Growing so he was like you know he's Getting taller as I talk to him that's Great so I think that's a sign yeah yeah So tell him to keep doing that letting All that out of his arms okay and maybe

Going to the water or the sand or Something Okay Let's do that until that's all out of Him Okay he's like flushing the water over Him that's great Yeah I'm not 100 sure but it feels healing Like it feels like the water is is Rushing over him and It's like Taking things with it into the ocean That's great Yeah So we'll just stay with that until it Feels complete Yeah it feels Feels good he's about he's much taller Now he's like Six eight or something like he's like Big you can protect you yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah He's he's big good yeah all right and Then let's bring in the first guy the Guy with all the Schedule organizer organizer So he can see he doesn't have to protect This guy anymore and just see how he Reacts He's impressed He's like whoa that I don't need to Protect that anymore that's right yeah So he's

He's willing to give up his clipboard I Think pretty pretty easily okay And he can think about a new role now if You want okay Yeah Yeah he's he's done He's done Yeah wow yeah I never even just theorize it I know I Know that is good you're such an Unbelievably good sport Well can you talk through what you did Or and how that process worked I was a Little bit I'm not a total Trans State But I was also not quite following I was In my own visual world so okay so we Started with this serious guy who turned Out to be the organizer guy yeah And then we asked him what he was Protecting yeah And then we went to that which was the Boy in the divorce scene yeah which Would be the Exile yeah that you tried To push away When this guy took over to organize your Life and not ever have something chaotic Like that happen and all the shame Happening yeah And uh and we did a whole healing with That yeah boy which involves Three main steps one is for you to Witness what he went through and feel How bad it was for him from yeah and you Can't move on until you've done that

Right yeah like okay yeah and then to Literally get him out of where he's Stuck in the past to a safe place And then To what we call unburdened to release The emotions and beliefs he got from That time And it's not uncommon that they start to Grow right away and okay become who they Were designed to be actually yeah and Then we bring in the protector to see he Doesn't have to do that anymore And the thought that the protect once They protectors see this we don't have To go into more of these frantic Protection modes because they've Realized like what you're not so Vulnerable anymore Got it and then we're almost stuck at Different ages is that also like like Part of me is one of my 52 53 52 53 at The end of the month uh so part of these 52 but then another part is like 12 Another part is like yeah okay

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