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I was living in the projects in Anchorage for a while with my mom we Were one of the only white families in This area and My mom was very absent and so you form Your tribe you form your community your Gang that you hang out with and we were Doing things we shouldn't like stealing Cars and Things like that and I looked at my Friends and I looked at that need for Connection and that need for safety and How we found safety in our group of Friends and how when one of our friends Got beat up we'd cover for them at School so that the social services Didn't go to their house and take them Away from their families I mean heart Issues that kids deal with And I looked at people start to check Out and say they couldn't they couldn't Take it they couldn't handle the pain And they had no resource And I kept writing think heavens And it kept leading to me to myself into This deep well that was in myself Into being able to disa not disassociate An unhealthy way but just to detach from My mind to get a brain break To realize I wasn't my mind I wasn't my Thoughts there was more in me the dig The deeper I dug into this River of Myself the more I was able to see the Ocean of everybody else
And it can seem like a very selfish act To spend a lot of time looking inward But it's the most giving act that you Can possibly do because it's the only Way you become available The world doesn't need evangelists as Much as they need people to live an Authentic life And when we live an authentic life When we live our authentic life we just Become the change that other people need To see we become the permission other People need to see It's not I've never considered it my job To tell somebody else what they need in Their life I believe we each have a Medicine cabinet inside ourselves we Each have The resources we need to heal and to Grow and to change we just need to get Rid of some of the static that keeps us From being able to have our own Biofeedback system That keeps us from being able to hear Ourselves and our own wisdom and our own Intuition We don't need gurus in the world we need To understand that we have our answers If we can look Inward and if we can be Less afraid and so for me a lot of the Tools that I developed in my life were Learning how to get rid of the static What is causing static where I can't Trust my instincts where I can't hear my
Own inner voice where I can't trust my Own inner knowing and I went through so Many incarnations of static I can't even Tell you but that really has been sort Of what my journey has been about And I kept trying to find and develop Tools along the way all of them were Geared around what now today is called Mindfulness those words weren't around Them but very practical simple tools to Try and help me get a brain break and to Help me tap into a deeper sense of Intelligence This greater sense of knowing that Always helped my body feel calm and less Anxious and so I started to live my life Saying if this makes me feel more Anxious it's a lie that's not my thought It's not actually me if this thought This feeling this truth helps me feel Less anxious and more calm in my body That's the truth that's my soul talking To me And staying in your body when you're in Trauma is very difficult you know Getting a child who's scared and Trauma To stay in their body and to teach them It's safe in their body and to start Feeling when they feel calm in a room And when they feel anxious in a room You know there were times in my life Where I literally would go I'm what I Was in a movie theater and I'm watching A movie and I'm suddenly overcome with
Anxiety what was I just thinking my mind Must have drifted somewhere tracing my Thoughts back pinpointing that thought And going oh that's a lie and then I Started a practice called my antidote Thought which is something I teach on my Website Where I would write down that lie and I'd go it's a lie what is the antidote What is the truth what is that medicine That I need to hear so in a lie for Instance that plagued me a lot of my Life is I don't know what I'm doing I Don't know what I'm doing I'm a kid I Don't know what I'm doing and it would Paralyze me And so I'd write down the antidote often To find my antidote I just started with The opposite It's the opposite of the LIE is I know What I'm doing they didn't actually feel Like the truth it didn't resonate in my Body and make my body feel calm So I kept finding versions of writing The truth until it was in my actual Soul's truth which was I can figure it Out I'm capable of figuring it out I'm Tenacious I will keep trying and I'm Capable of trying that felt like the Truth so that became my antidote thought To the LIE of I don't know what I'm Doing and so I began to able to Fine-tune when I started to feel anxious I'd go which lie is it my brain's
Telling me and what is the truth and I Would just start to make a mantra out of My real truth if it meant writing it Down sometimes I couldn't even remember My truth I had to keep in my pocket and Take it out and go okay I'm capable of Learning what I'm doing like okay and I'd put it back in my pocket and it Began to tackle the lies in my head and Learned how to distance myself from my Thoughts and learn how to trust and rely On myself and every time I tried to put My compass in someone else I love teachers I have had so many Teachers in my life I've read amazing Books I've had amazing people show up For me in my life But every time I gave my compass and my Sense of knowing and I put it into Another individual my life tanked and I'm not talking small tanking I'm Talking massive Loss of massive amounts of money massive Tanking It was a very visual okay I can clearly See that when I place my inner sense of Knowing in somebody else my life crashes I have to keep my compass and myself and It's something I tell my son now he's Five I go life is a forest and what is your Compass and it's your values
