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We're here to talk about mindfulness Healing and resilience and I think the Challenge I found as I kind of prepared For this interview was you have so much To say and you've studied this so In-depthly Um and so I'm a little bit challenged Like knowing even where to begin Um and I guess for me what strikes me The most is that people might look at You and be like oh well she got lucky You know some right people showed up at The right time and I think from your Perspective if I'm right it's like um Like there's this great Dallas quote That says Chance favors a prepared mind And that we can't control life but we Can set conditions that lead to certain Possibilities and that you through Facing various trauma and struggles and Enormous hardship set your mind towards Possibilities that then allowed your Life to unfold in a different way than In a more healing way than in a way that Could feel like you were continuing the Trauma that you Adolf experience back Into the world So I think that's just such a beautiful Thing and I think we're all in that path To some degree we're all looking for That right mindset and that right Approach that allows us to understand Our own healing and to um Bring something out in the world that is
Different than Maybe I mean we've all experienced beautiful Things and hardships so it's like Helping to heal those hardships and so I Feel like what are the things that you Feel like are the practical steps that You've learned from your life exploring The impact of trauma and how to heal From that very long question I figured You can take that as you wish Um It's funny I was raised singing on stage And so you would have thought at some Point in my life it would have dawned on Me I'd be become a professional musician But it actually didn't Um I was very obsessed from a young age Um with how to handle the anxiety and The pain that I was in Uh in a way that was meaningful that Wouldn't end me in early life Because I was raised in bar rooms I was Watching people in so much pain using Alcohol and drugs I watched that women Would compromise themselves For just a compliment In these bar rooms And just the depth of human need for Human connection and the misguided ways That people tried to find a way to Connect Um Being raised in bar rooms you know it's
A very vulnerable thing as a young child My dad was often not watching or paying Attention during the breaks there's a Lot of predators around a lot of drunk Men Uh And I realized quickly that my emotions Were my best alarm system you know we Have this brain in this dark box and it Doesn't actually see the world it Perceives the world through these eyes Which still boggles me Um Our emotions are our best alarm system They let me know when I'm safe and if I Turned off my pain I actually had to Numb every other single emotion that I Had and that was excruciating to me Because being awake and alive in your Body and feeling joy and seeing the Sunrise is beautiful and when you numb Pain you numb every other quality in Your life and so making that decision to Try and stay awake Was kind of the beginning of my Mindfulness practice of how do I stay Awake in in the face of great pain and So it's interesting you know when I Moved out at 15 I thought hey I can Avoid becoming a statistic if I'm very Clever and if I use my intellect and I Approach my life scientifically and I Look at the emotional patterns I was Raised with and I identify them I wrote
Them all down as my emotional English That I wrote down of how my hand my Family handled and taught and passed on Emotional languages And then I wrote down what kind of Emotional English I hoped to learn and I Began to look in my community for people That had those types of traits or tools And I began to Mentor myself with them Often they didn't know they were Mentoring me I would just sort of stand Awkwardly close to people and overhear Conversations Um just tear up watching a father Interact with his daughter and I acted Like I was the daughter and I act I Acted like that I received that love And I did things to sort of intuitively Find my way in into healing and I had a Slight I didn't quite get it you know I was on A decent track you know for a 15 year Old supporting herself I guess But I went about my life thinking if I'm Hyper Vigilant I can avoid the pitfalls And pain in life I avoided a few you know I didn't become A drug addict or stripper which is you Know pretty much success for where I Came from Um But I met so much pain in my life You know just from being homeless uh I Realized at 33 that I was broke
I realized my mother who was my manager Wasn't who I thought she was I realized Almost everything I'd been told about my Childhood was a lie in my 30s I realized I had been programmed and Conditioned Um in ways that I hadn't even Comprehended and this is when I was an Adult that I realized these things And recovering from that was really Shocking And as I was looking at it in my 40s I Kind of went from trauma to trauma to Trauma I experienced a lot of abuse as a Child The trauma of moving out as a 15 year Old is incredibly anxiety written Getting yourself through school trying To pay your bills and get food while You're in high school and work jobs While you're in high school and then Just I can't even tell you it was just Trauma to trauma to trauma and then Getting discovered was such a blessing But I had to be so on my toes so that I Didn't fail because Fame is just this Path people lose their footing on and You lose a sense of your authenticity And I wanted to fight for my Humanity if I could sum up my whole life it's like How can I fight for my Humanity where I Don't become a bitter person a broken Person a damaged person how to become a More loving more kind more resilient
Person
