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Foreign [Applause] I think you bring up is if we're not Connected to ourself or not connected to The various parts of ourself it's very Hard to then connect with another person And so connection is kind of an inner Job if you will and that as part of that Inner job we have to better understand What are the parts that we welcome and What are the parts that we've maybe Pushed away so that's my intention here Would be to help give us some insight Into how do we Orient around parts and How do we find and relate to parts that Maybe we put away as a kid because we Were told not to be confident or we told Not to talk so much or we were told just Shut up and do your thing and then all Of a sudden something gets pushed aside Um so I was wondering if it might be Useful to start just as an orientation To how we Define parts and how you see That process of highlighting a part and Having a part that's exiled and how we Can be more holistic in our approach So for me Um it's the natural state of the mind to Be multiple In the sense that we all have these Inner personalities some personalities Some systems call them I call them Parts Just because that's the most User-friendly word everybody says part
Of me is happy to be here another part Which is I was still in bed which isn't True for me but Um And the basic idea is that they're all Valuable that we're born this way Because they each have a role to play in Our life that can be very helpful to us But traumas and attachment injuries Force them out of their naturally Valuable States into roles they're not Equipped for and also can be quite Damaging down the road The role might have been needed when you Were getting abused to save your life But then the part gets frozen in time And thinks it has to keep doing that Yeah and in terms of the Exiles you're Talking about Um Have you ever been humiliated in your Life yeah okay I don't know if when I go There I wasn't planning to go there but Yes When that happened to you yeah what did You try to do with the memory Sensations Emotions and beliefs from the experience I tried to get them out of my awareness And hope that I would never have that Experience again yeah yeah you're not Alone that's what most people do Especially in this American culture Because this is a rugged individualist Just move on kind of culture yeah
And that I'd be an advocate of that if That actually worked but the problem With that is that Not only are you trying to leave these Memory Sensations motions beliefs in the Past But you're also locking away the parts Of you that now carry those burdens that Carry all those feelings Because you can't stand those feelings And you're not even aware that that's What you're doing you're not even aware That you're exiling all your juice Because a lot of these parts With your most sensitive parts yeah These before they got hurt or scared or Shamed They were these lovely Inner children who could give you all Kinds of awe and sense of uh creativity And desire to connect with people Playfulness playfulness But once they do get hurt you don't want Anything to do with them anymore yeah And so it's like in the Marines no man Left behind you left all that behind in Second grade and yeah tried to just move On Without connection to a lot of those Qualities that you left back there yeah And so you lose access to the gifts of That exactly part two right yeah so not Only do you lose access to their gifts But for the parts themselves it's like
Insult to injury yeah the injury was the Hurt or the terror or the shame And the insult is being abandoned by you Yeah and so they're they're suffering They're really desperate in there And so as you go through life and Something happens in any way similar They explode out and it's like flames of Emotion threaten to consume you and take You away And so when you get a bunch of Exiles Like that you have to have a bunch of What we call protector parts so is that Related to when we get triggered or is That usually something around that There's that emotional response that's Charged the Flames of emotion from the Exiles because when you get triggered And then we have a bunch of parts who's Spending all their lives trying to Prevent that from happening yeah some of Them are trying to manage our lives so That we never get triggered so control Your relationships and don't let anybody Too close or Control your appearance so people don't Reject I remember when I had the the Humiliated experience when I was young I Became very serious I was like life is Suffering there's pain I'm just going to Become very serious I'm going to work Hard there was a lot of that playfulness And fun that I had gone yeah locked away Yeah so what is the process first the
Process probably just being aware of the Fact that this is happening that these Things exist and Um how do you see the the process of Rediscovery or reassimulation or That welcoming and I know ifs is a very Systemic systematic way of of working With that but could you say a little bit About how you've learned to bring those Parts in in a way that that is inclusive Yeah So I learned the hard way to do it Through the protector parts that I just Mentioned Because The mistake I was making in some Psychotherapies make is to try to break Through those defenses and get to those Exiles as soon as possible and then let Them come out and sometimes in an Overwhelming or flooding way and then There's a backlash from the protectors They've tried to keep that locked up for 30 years so whenever there's a trauma or Pain there's the pain but then there's There's there's uh what you're calling Protectors there's like a um there's an Energy that is making sure that that Doesn't get touched that's that right Okay Yeah for me trauma per se isn't Traumatizing what's traumatizing is the Impact on this inner system I'm Describing okay where some parts get
Exiled and others are forced into these Protective roles
